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Why I'm voting for…
Jon Stewart & The Cast of the Daily Show
By ANDREW NOYES, photos by NORMA
JEAN ROY
When a presidential election comes down to the less than inspiring
choice between the lesser of two evils—the dimwitted war-monger
or the waffling glad-hander—you know you’ve got a problem.
It’s similar to the sort of predicament one would encounter
if forced to choose between a root canal and a colonic.
Thank goodness that this campaign season presents the American electorate
with a third attractive, more appealing, and decidedly apolitical
option. When I go to the polls on Nov. 2, I’ll be writing-in
the nation’s most celebrated faux newsman Jon Stewart and
his bombastic brood of pseudo-correspondents on Comedy Central’s
Daily Show. “Not feasible in the current state of Democracy,”
you say. Right you are, but please just go along with my ruse.
Not only is Stewart one of America’s most revered social and
comedic voices, the New Jersey native and his team have a stellar
track record covering the race for the White House.
They canvassed the campaigns from square one – from the Iowa
Caucus to the primaries to the party’s nominating conventions
in Boston and New York City over the summer. In fact, from my experience
wandering the streets of the Big Apple, The Daily Show billboards
outnumbered Bush or Kerry signage four-to-one. How’s that
for a dominant presence on the political stage?
The presidential race is old hat for Stewart and company, too. Four
years ago, The Daily Show talent was poised to pave the way to 1600
Pennsylvania Avenue as the torch bearers of Comedy Central’s
“Indecision 2000” election coverage.
Such persistence has paid off in spades for the motley crew. They
just grabbed two Emmys for the second year in a row.
Ask yourself: When was the last time George W. Bush won two Emmys?
How fantastic would it be to have a commander in chief capable of
garnering accolades from the Academy of Television and Arts Sciences?
Surely we’d be the envy of the Western hemisphere.
Need another reason to vote for The Daily Show? Stewart’s
posse trumps Bush or Kerry’s any day. Forget Condi, Rummy
and their militia of dark suits and sensible shoes. Disregard Kerry’s
Clinton era table scraps.
We’d be smart to fill our presidential cabinet with the madcap
Samantha Bee, a skilled TV commercial actress and sketch comedy
veteran; Stephen Colbert, a comedy writer steeped in training from
Chicago’s “Second City” improv troupe; career
stand-up comedian Ed Helms; and the admittedly mediocre Rob Corddry
(who for all intents and purposes could be this administration’s
most amorphous presence—a la Ann Veneman or Alphonso Jackson,
the secretaries of the Departments of Agriculture and Housing and
Urban Development, respectively).
The Daily Show also possesses a secret weapon: quick-witted Lewis
Black, the Karl Rove of this company. And I would be remiss to mention
that Daily Show alumnus Mo Rocca was hired on by CNN over the summer.
Yes, that’s right, the most magnificent (legitimate) 24-hour
cable news channel of them all used the spectacled satirist as a
roving reporter for Larry King Live throughout the Democratic National
Convention in Boston.
Now how’s that for yielding political power?
Just like any would-be presidential campaign team, the Daily Show
crew knows what’s important: strength, knowledge, resolve
and most importantly, cheap shots at the other candidates.
Stewart on Vice President Dick Cheney: “Cheney lives in the
center of the Earth. I’m not saying he’s developed a
death ray, but he’s working on it.”
Stewart on California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger: “For the
1.3 million Americans who have sunken to poverty this year, Arnold’s
message to you is simply ‘suck it up faggot, walk it off,
you can do it.’”
Stewart on scripting rhetoric of candidates: “I think it should
be a nonpartisan Democrat or Republican—everybody should be
questioned on these stupid and pardon my French [expletive] talking
points…and we should be able to have a normal conversation.”
Stewart on post-Cold War homeland security: “Back then people
didn’t have the tools to respond to a vague threat propagated
by the government, now we have duct tape and colored charts.”
His gang was equally as merciless when the Democrats stormed Boston
in July.
Stewart on the last great Democratic president: “Oh my God,
FDR’s alive. I can’t believe FDR’s alive. They
cured polio—how did they do it? He’s alive!”
Colbert on John Kerry: “[He] couldn’t inspire an ice
cube to melt in the small of Halle Berry’s back.”
Black on the on the Democrats’ playbook: “Lie still,
don’t say anything and let other people walk all over you.”
The Daily Show squad has proven time and time again that the political
process is complicated and often incomprehensible—but almost
always funny.
In Stewart’s own words, the show is “the most trusted
name in fake news” and they’d surely be the most trusted
folks in the fake White House.
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