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It doesn't get much "Cheaper" than "Dozen" |
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Written by MICHAEL JAMES ALLEN
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Wednesday, 21 December 2005 |
Since writing for Lumino, I’ve had the good fortune to review "Good Night and Good Luck", a wonderful film about the ousting of McCarthyism; "Jarhead", a film about the first Gulf War that has grown on me more and more with time; "Munich", an incredible film about Black September and its bloody aftermath; and now, limping into this pantheon of modern classics like a mentally-challenged, three-legged dog, comes "Cheaper by the Dozen 2".
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"Cheaper by the Dozen 2"
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 Entertainment
 Art
Directed by Adam Shankman
Written by Sam Harper
Starring Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Hilary Duff, Tom Welling and Piper Perabo
Rated PG for some crude humor and mild language.
Released December 21, 2005
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I don’t mean to sound like a snob--one of those critics who are incapable of seeing a movie purely for its entertainment value despite how rough around the edges it may be. And it’s not like you go into a movie like this expecting a "Citizen Kane". Hell, you don’t even expect a Cheaper by the Dozen 1. Add on top of that the feeling that it’s almost mean to pick on a film this innocuous, and it becomes increasingly difficult to give a scathing review to this film. But don’t worry, I shall try my best.
The film tells the story of the Baker clan: Tom and Kate Baker (Shame on you, Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt), the parents, and a gaggle of eleven cute kids. Oh, and also Hilary Duff. In a final attempt to spend time as a unified family, Tom decides to take everyone up to the old cabin-by-the-lake, so that they can bond and learn important life lessons. Along the way, Tom runs across a highly competitive old rival (Eugene Levy), and vows to beat him and his family in the lake’s annual Labor Day Tournament—a competition so banal that believing anyone would care if they actually won the damn thing is the first of the film’s many logic-molestations.
As one might expect, the film reeks of cliché. Pop quiz time: Do you think that Tom, who spends the entire movie obsessing about his children growing up, will learn that it’s better to just let them live their lives by the end of the film? Do you think that the eldest Baker son (Tom Welling) will get with the attractive daughter of the rival that he falls for? When another of the Baker kids brings a bag full of fireworks to a classy country club gala do you think the fireworks will accidentally go off and hilarity will ensue? The answer to all these questions but the last is, “Yes.”
"Cheaper by the Dozen 2" is not funny: The jokes are dull and repetitive (people accidentally fall or are pushed into the lake not one, not two, but seven times). "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" is not well-acted: Everyone in the cast clearly did this for the money except maybe Bonnie Hunt, whose breasts are given such an odd showcase in the film that it leads me to believe that might be her reason. "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" is not well-made: There are times when the camera jerks or does odd zooms, and the dubbing is so poor that I caught at least three times when people were supposedly saying things while there mouths were closed.
What more can I say? I’m begging you: Don’t go see "Cheaper by the Dozen 2." Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
