It’s a conundrum that has sent me on many pensive outings and asking a lot of questions of my friends, men and women. If a woman is “the marrying kind” do men feel more pressure in starting a relationship with that person? And if it’s what a person is looking for why does it seem to be an automatic turnoff?
No one likes to feel pressured to date or move a relationship ahead prematurely. We consider the potential of making a mistake and fear gets in the way of us exploring the relationship enough to know if it will work at all. It makes me wonder how we can meet someone so right for us and then just turn our backs on them. It happens everyday.
Now, I admit there are some women out there who have tunnel vision, focusing only for their wedding day. They constantly think about what their wedding day will be like, what they’ll wear and who their prince charming might be. These are the women, and men (believe it or not), who scare the crap out of us, steering our lives onto a path we’re not quite sure we want to take.
Truth is, that for women, since we were little girls playing with our Barbie Dolls, we’ve been encouraged to dream about meeting our knight on a white steed, who would save us from a rotten and single existence. For our generation, so many of us growing up were encouraged to take life by the horns and make it something more than just getting married and having children. We’ve been encouraged to get a solid education and be successful members of the work force.
The truth is that most of us who are considered to be “the marrying kind” would be thrilled just to have a long-term, comfortable and fun relationship with someone seeking the same. If it develops into something more than that’s great. But we’re not in a hurry to find someone; anyone who we’ll settle for marrying. We are just afraid of making a bad decision when it comes to marriage as anyone. It seems the hard part is being “the marrying kind” and convincing someone we’re dating that marriage is not the only thing we think about when we look into their eyes.
Would it be different if all “marrying kinds” were out seeking fun and random sex? What I hear from my male contemporaries is that this kind of woman is really not someone they would ever consider settling down with at all. They, like women, are looking for something real.
In reality, a number of “the marrying kind” are out meeting people and having a good time until someone resembling a potential life partner comes along. Just because we’re stereo-typed into this category doesn’t mean that we’ll just settle for the first guy who puts a ring on our finger, or that we have our “husband radar” on at all times.
For the first time, many women have the option to marry. We can establish ourselves, take care of ourselves and provide many things financially that a husband has in the past. There are fewer and fewer marriages of convenience. And as the daily reminder of the high divorce rate continues to send chills of fear through us, we still come out the other side with hope and more confidence; determined to not be a statistic. That says something about our society and the desire to tend to traditional relationship roles.
So relax guys, just because you believe a woman you’re seeing is “the marrying kind” doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll be bringing on the ultimatum after three months. And it doesn’t mean that she may even think you’re the one she’s going to marry.
The irony is this: isn’t this what you’ve been looking for? It’s good that you are open enough to realize this about your partner in the beginning. It means that they are looking for a long-term relationship and everything that includes – monogamy, honesty, truth, sharing, support and love.
Don’t get scared and run off when meeting “the marrying kind”. Unless you are 100 percent not interested in getting married, don’t just kick her to the curb. Give her a chance to prove what a great partner she can be; to find out if it will work between the two of you and if you’re the right fit for her. “The marrying kind” is not a disease. Give us a shot. We’re older and wiser. You might just be surprised.
• "Dating Games" appears the 1st and 15th of every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine.
