History plays an interesting, and crucial, part in our current dating lives. Sometimes it’s called baggage, other times it’s just the past. Nonetheless it has a mysterious way of tainting your perception on your current dating life and can be toxic to your potential of finding a life partner.
All of us have something different to reflect on; a habit of picking “the wrong guys”, making impulsive decisions at a young age that you may regret later on, never being open enough, being cheated on or lied to, the one we let get away and more. As all of these accumulate in our subconscious we begin to lose the ability to relate, are overwhelmed with fear and can actually sabotage our dating life.
The more we allow ourselves to dwell in the past the harder it is for us to break away from it altogether, and see the great things that are before us.
I have one that got away and I sometimes remember the way he looked at me the last time I saw him; the love and caring in his green eyes. Over the years, I’ve wondered about him, where he is, if he’s married. I even sought him out about six years ago to discover he was engaged. The news slapped me in the face and left me feeling as if I had allowed “the one” to get away.
I’ve come to realize that it’s possible that the guilt for breaking his heart that I have been carrying around with me all these years is keeping me from reaching my full relationship potential. The truth is that he was the last man who really treated me the way I deserve. So, naturally when I am wondering about that “perfect one”, my mind turns to him. It’s something that haunts me, but also drives me to never settle for anything less. Today, he is happily married and achieving everything I knew he one day would accomplish.
The question is how do we manage to let go of all these things; to stop allowing the past, memories of a better seemingly more perfect time, to taint us? Or do we? Maybe it’s a message to us to seek these people out for some reason or personal lesson that will only make us better people.
An old friend and I got together the other night and she mentioned an old love that she just can’t seem to let go of. She’s constantly wondering where he is and what he’s doing. I encouraged her to find out and she did some research via Google to discover that he is not married and still living in the same town. At this very moment I am sure she is eagerly creating a clever plan to “run into” him on a very specifically planned trip.
I’ve heard numerous stories of people having a nagging feeling about someone that they can’t let go of, seeking them out and later marrying their old, now new, love. But that can’t be true for everyone. The lessons we learn in life are numerous and vast. They come in all shapes and sizes and we have to be willing to listen to hear the truth.
No one really knows why our minds, and hearts, refuse to let go of some things. While the possibility it could work out is very real, the same goes for disappointment and heartbreak. There is a reason for why we can’t just forget some things, especially old loves, no matter how hard we try. The challenge is taking the risk to find out why. For me, my memories are a reminder of what I’m looking for and how I deserve someone to treat and feel about me. I have to let go of the guilt and move into hope; hope that the opportunity will present itself to me again in life.
Plenty of people take the risk of following their guts every day and are more brave then most of us simply seeking love. If people didn’t accept the call that their intuition is making to them than ordinary people wouldn’t put criminals in jail every day, starting businesses and reaching out to help one another.
Sooner or later we have to allow our past to slip away, the comfort of an old life, and look ahead to the opportunities that are before us today. We can never forget the lessons our life teaches us through the decisions we make from the choices put before us. And we can never look back with regret.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If my path were meant to cross with my old love and put us back on the road of dating bliss, I am confident it would have happened by now. It’s hard to not think that I had him and lost him, but I must always remind myself that is not the path that fate has laid out for me. And while it’s also hard not to believe that my restless dating life is more karma’s revenge than my own creation, I chose to look ahead at a life not yet lived; to people not yet met and the opportunities that have not yet been presented. Looking back is full of sadness and melancholy upon reflection. The future is full of excitement and new beginnings.
• "Dating Games" appears the 1st and 15th of every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine.
