While the fear of a drought can cause feelings of loneliness or increased skepticism towards coupling, it can also be a time to prepare for the next downpour. How we deal with our individual dating droughts can mean a lot to our future success in dating and finding a life partner.
After meeting some kind of rejection in dating, whether it be you-like-him-he-doesn't or neither one of you feel the warm and fuzzies, we all over compensate by partaking in drinking binges, working long hours or just sitting at home feeling sorry for ourselves. Here are some tips to get you through every drought while preparing for the next flood of dates.
Enjoy the time alone - While being alone is one of the last things you want to do after a dating catastrophe, it can be a time to really get to know yourself. Discovering and building confidence in who you are is one of the best things you can do to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship. Sure you can just sit at home watching movies or recovering from a hang over, but consider it a time to re-evaluate your dating life. Consider why and who you want to date, what you bring to the table in a relationship and what your deal breakers are. Most importantly, it's a great time to figure out who you are and where you're going in life with or without a life partner.
Change your viewpoint - Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery to put your dating life in perspective and get you back in the saddle. A trip, even a short one an hour from home, removes you from surroundings that may remind you of what you're trying to forget. It can revive a spirit that feels battered from the dating battle field and create a new beginning with which to start all over from.
Keep company with good friends - Talking with friends about your dating life and getting their perspective can help you graduate from failing relationships to a healthy one. Sometimes it's really difficult for us to see a situation from where we stand. Having the strength to hear our friend's points of views can help us see what we need to do to build better relationships. And good friends will help you bounce back quickly by engaging in conversation with the cutie seated next to you at the bar.
Change your perspective - Whatever the dating universe throws at you never let it get you down. Everyone needs to walk away from a project or challenge in life to gain better perspective. The most important thing you can do is to really know yourself before allowing someone else into your life. Meeting and dating someone is not going to fix any problems that may exist in your life. You have to do that for yourself. If anything else I want to encourage you to reach a point of peace so you can move forward in life.
Gaining acceptance in being your own person and being single only makes you a more desirable companion.
Embrace your singledom - As much as you may want to be in a relationship, take the time to really enjoy being single. This is a great opportunity to explore the city and the world, take trips with your friends, volunteer and do things you want to do when you want to do them. Once you're in a relationship, there will be someone else to consider every time you make plans to go out, travel or even stay home alone. You will have to share your life and all your decisions with someone else, and more if you one day have children.
Change your life - This is a great time to drive away thoughts of dating and steer them towards something new in your life. Maybe you want to get back into the gym, start studying yoga, take a photography class or write poetry. Helping others by volunteering your time and talents to help others can be a reminder of what your strengths are and the joy you get from helping others will lift you up. And maybe it's taking your career to the next level by putting in some extra hours, signing on to a new project or seeking new business. Take this time to do something that makes you happy, allows you to grow as a person and gives you more to bring to the dating table.
Stay open - Even though you may be filling your time and life with new things, it is the perfect time to remain open to new dating opportunities. By pursuing new things that you love and enjoy you may meet someone else doing exactly the same thing. The saying goes, “you meet someone when you're not looking”. You may not be looking at the time, but don't turn down any opportunities to meet new people.
Whatever you choose to do during your dating drought remember that there is someone new around every corner. If you are confident in yourself and open to new experiences and opportunities this drought will be short lived. And in the meanwhile you've managed to increase your single status to that of a highly desired companion.
• "Dating Games" appears the 1st and 15th of every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine. E-mail Jennifer at jenfort@hotmail.com.
