It is at this quiet point that I begin the interview.
Dating is a lot like Corporate America: full of negotiations, bull shit, swindling and promises of what might come tomorrow…in a month…in a year. So, all this business should begin with an interview.
I have a long list of get-to-know questions I have developed, tweaked and refined throughout my dating career. These questions range from phone conversations to first date questions, from surface to thought-provoking. Most of these questions are left on the back burner until absolutely necessary.
“Where did you grow up?”
“How many siblings do you have?”
“What’s your favorite food?”
And on and on.
However, one recent phenomenon that I have noted is the lack of reciprocation on the parts of my dates. I will be the first to admit that this is probably due to the caliber of men – and none of them have lasted more than a few weeks – but I still have to wonder: how self-centered can you be in an interview?
Ponder this: more than a year ago, I met a man out for drinks and appetizers. When I saw the date heading from so-so to awkward, I pulled out my arsenal of questions. After rapidly firing no fewer than 15 questions at him in two-and-a-half minutes, he said, “This is fun. Keep asking me questions.” His tail might have been wagging under the table.
The thing is, in every interview I’ve been in, the interviewer has turned to me and asked, “Do you have any questions?” And even if I don’t, even if I’ve already asked my questions or decided that this is not the job for me, it is customary and polite to dig deep into my brain and find something to ask. After all, it could be the job of my dreams, ad I am in a bad interview and just can’t tell. I might be trumped by nervousness or anxiety and be misinterpreting body language, etc. So I ask at least one question, especially since the interviewer has asked me so many.
In dating, we behave similarly. Typically, I ask the questions I ask because I am genuinely interested; I believe it will reveal something interesting about him; or I am hopeful that he will ask the question of me, also revealing something interesting about me.
Of the story I told, and the other similar experiences I have had, it was clear to me that he did not have an interest in learning about me, but was only interested in things he could benefit from, that would be beneficial to him.
Questions can be an ace up the sleeve, and if they are played at the right time, otherwise, just know, he didn’t get the job.
• "A Single Serving" appears the 1st and 15th of every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine. E-mail Melissa at m.koss@yahoo.com.
