Read me: I will give you eight free CDs.
Read me: I will give you a low interest rate for two months and then bend you over and, well, you get the picture.
Read me: I will send you a free beach towel if you sign your life over.
Read me: I can consolidate all of your debt into one easy payment of hang yourself, cause you are never getting out of debt anyway.
The list goes on.
Lucky for me and unlucky for those unwanted pieces of trash, my Dad forwarded me a great email to which I have decided to abide by simply to get back at all those unsolicited companies trying to steal my hard earned cash. I like to call it, um, PAYBACK.
So, according to the forwarded email, here’s what you do. When you get those eight million pieces of junk snail mail, you fight back.
1) Open all eight envelopes
2) Remove your name, address and any sign that it is you from the junk mail (i.e. Greetings Mick Cowliss – yeah, you spelled my name wrong dumbass)
3) Place to the side the return envelopes
4) Scatter all of the junk mail across your desk, table or floor
5) Place junk mail into equal piles of eight
6) Jam pack the return envelopes with the random junk mail
7) Put the free cd junk mail in the credit card return envelope
8) Mail all eight envelopes back to the companies for no charge to your pockets
9) PAYBACK
The reason the payback is so successful is because each return envelope is paid by the company that mailed it to you in the first place. According to the forward, the average price the company will pay for that returned envelope is $0.50 – bringing the grand total to $4 with a swift FU.
And, that was just one days worth. Image how much it will cost these companies over the next week. And ultimately, I hope, the junk mail will no longer reach my mailbox so when I come home from work and see a giant pile of mail in my box – it will all be exciting stuff to make the beginning of my night happy.
Payback is a bitch.
NP
