I get a big kick out of some of the articles, especially for singles; “How to Find The One By Fall”, “Fall in Love in Two Weeks”, “Ramp up Your Dating Life with Three Easy Steps” and my favorite “Game-playing: The New Rules,” which doesn’t actually offer anything new and it’s only four rules. Oh, there’s the one that everyone seems to write about, the decoding guy-speak or “How to Talk to a Woman”.
Maybe it’s because I write this column that I am so aware of what is out there. If it is then I want to warn you, it’s just not that easy. Albeit, when you meet that someone, it should be very easy, but finding that person is not always that easy. It takes patience and sometimes it does happen quickly, but those who force it may end up in a not so happy relationship down the road.
The thing that bothers me the most about these articles is that I feel that they’re just feeding off of singles. True, there is a higher rate of singles today than ever before, but that’s because we now have the choice to decide what and who we want for our lives. Suppose that it’s our desire to have someone give us the key that unlocks the door of life and give tells us “how to”. And sadly most of these writers are married. No offense.
I absolutely love the annual article on the country’s best and worst cities for singles. Of course, Chicago is no where in the top 25 in any of these kinds of articles. Apparently we should all pick up our lives and move to Denver, Boston, Phoenix, Austin or even New York – go figure. The article says that “just because a city isn’t rated highly for singles doesn’t’ make it a bad place - - it might be great for retirees.” What are they saying? Clearly this was written by someone who is married, a eunuch or dumb. Again, no offense, but have a little sympathy for your single counterparts in this world.
Also enjoyable is the “Dating: Get What You Want” apparently a beginner’s guide to dating, or “The Art of Dating Around” which I feel so many people have all ready conquered and reminds us all “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”. Which reminds me that Glamour has had some doozies lately. Mind you I don’t receive the magazine on a regular basis, but read my girlfriend’s copy while on the beach.
Most of the time I find these kinds of articles just a wee bit patronizing and hoping that what I provide twice a month is not perceived that way by anyone.
Now, I don’t claim to know everything or have all the answers, in fact, I tend to ask more questions than I answer but that just means I share the path with you. However, I know that I’m a normal gal with a level head who has a distinct interest in human interaction.
I never want to offer quick fix tips that are trivial, simple and ridiculous just because I have a deadline to make. No, I want to put more thought into the dating challenges and hurrahs that we all encounter every day. I look not for the obvious or the “huh?” like “Your Courtship Clock –Decoded”. Who even knew there was a courtship clock? I also can’t answer the question as to why he, or she, hasn’t returned any of your calls following three perfect dates, but “The Case of the Vanishing Date” can make you feel better by categorizing every person into just three personality types so as to better understand their motives. And of course, we all remember the infamous Newsweek story that said a woman over the age of 40 has a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than to ever marry.
Now, I don’t believe that all of these articles are really awful, although I’ve yet to see any brilliant revelations beyond “He’s Just Not That Into You”, which caused women to breathe a huge sigh of relief. I guess my point is that you can head to the self-help aisle at your neighborhood bookstore, or go online to read about “new” dating tips that aren’t new, to learn how to find the man or woman of your dreams, or you can just get out, meet lots of people and live life to its fullest. I hate to think that anyone is not living life just because they’re single.
Sure life is great when shared with someone, and I guess there is some truth to the research about how people in couples live longer or are happier, or something, but life is not unimportant if you don’t’ have a partner.
Life is short and we’ll find that person, eventually, but how are you going to do it if you’re sitting on your couch reading these not-so-helpful articles and dating books? That’s just my two cents for anyone who wants it. We will continue to be drawn to any article or book that promises to make our singledom suddenly obsolete, and we’ll continue to be disappointed. If I happen to come across anything online or in the local bookstore that appears to be even remotely helpful, I’ll be sure to let you know.
• "Dating Games" appears first and third Mondays of every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine. E-mail Jennifer at jenfort@hotmail.com.
