The rules aren't written down on any CTA maps or travel guides- at least not any of the cheap ones- so visitors and recent transplants are forced to learn them the hard way. And believe me, I learned them the hard way. So, to share the benefit of my hard-earned experience I have compiled a list of these rules that any new city dweller with a freshly printed CTA card can learn by. And it may not be a bad idea for some of you natives to take a refresher course either…

1.) Everybody move to the back of the bus

In junior high, it was the cool place to be. All the loud, rowdy boys scrambled over each other to get the seats that were as far away as possible from the bus driver. This process was even more evident during field trips or away games- sometimes so much so that kids would rather sit three to a seat in the back than by themselves in the front. As adults, however, it seems that walking the twelve feet to the back of the stuffy bus is just too much of an inconvenience, even if it is necessary to let more passengers on. Still, this is an important rule to follow, and doing so has its advantages. If you move to the back, you'll be closer to the exit when it comes time for your stop. Plus you'll have to push through less briefcases and strollers when it comes time to bust open those double doors and leap out into the fresh air.

2.) Scoot over

Bus seats come in twos. If you take an aisle seat and leave the window seat open, it puts someone else in the awkward position of having to either ask you to move or choose to stand. Or they could maneuver themselves over your lap while juggling a coffee and a Red Eye, but this is not recommended for either party. Just scoot over.

3.) Keep your hands to yourself

To my knowledge, very few people ride the bus with the intent of being fondled by strangers. Accidents happen, sure, but try to give those around you as much space as you can whenever possible. If touching absolutely cannot be avoided, try to be courteous about it. Give that fellow passenger an awkward but apologetic smile if your elbow somehow smashes into his or her ribcage. It's the least you can do.

4.) And while you're at it, keep your eyes to yourself too

Reading material can be essential to many bus riders, especially on long commutes to and from work. However, it is never, never appropriate to read over someone else's shoulder. In the first place, it is distracting and annoying. Secondly, it invades personal space- and the invader is your morning breath.

5.) A dawdler is nobody's friend

I have to admit that I broke this rule on my very first city bus ride. First of all, I didn't know where the hell I was going or what the hell I was doing. The bus driver stared me down with unforgiving eyes as I tried to fit my disposable card into the dollar bill slot (I was feeling rushed and panicked, okay?) I think that allowances can be made for first-timers, but after that, the actual process of boarding the bus and running your card/money through should take very, very little time. There are a lot of people who have a lot of places to be (presumably), and they don't want to kill valuable seconds while you fumble through your wallet looking for that extra quarter. Be prepared by the time the bus rolls up- fare in hand, one foot practically off the curb and ready to ascend.

6.) Basically, just try not to be an asshole

The most important and obvious rule, this one can actually be harder than it sounds for many people to follow. So how does one refrain from being an asshole? (And this applies to all situations, public or private, in addition to the etiquette of bus riding.) Well, first of all, it might help to remember that you are surrounded by other people, so the laws of common decency apply. If you see a senior citizen or a woman so pregnant she looks like she might bust get onto a packed bus, get up and offer your seat! Also try to stop yourself from having loud and impassioned conversations on your cell phone (yes, we can hear you, and no, we don't care that your best friend like, totally got wasted and hooked up at the bar last night). It might be a good idea to pretend that your mother has her eye on you at all times while you ride the bus- what would she say if she could see you behaving like that? In fact, maybe all of the rules of the bus can be boiled down to the simple ones that first came from our mothers - don't shove, don't be rude, remember to share, for God's sake don't put that in your mouth…. just a thought.

Happy riding!

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