I should not judge what a woman wears to a bar. She might be on her way to a Pimps and Hoes themed costume party.

It is charming when a man remembers my telephone number without writing it down. Among other things, it means that he is sober enough to remember my name.

I enjoy candles burning. I enjoy their flickering, yellowish light. Especially when everything else is dark.

I have never needed to be held as badly as I do right now.

Spin. Everything receives a spin in light of the storyteller. Sometimes, it is for ease of explanation; sometimes is it is hyperbole; sometimes it is how the storyteller recalls details. I have to let alternative histories (these things with spin) roll off my shoulders after I re-examine my own recollection of the way things happened, my own spin.

I do not have to be civil towards those who hurt me, but I do have to be civil toward those I love(d).

I do not like when I drink so much that I slur my words - after that point, things become scary and risk forever being fuzzy and unknown. Plus, it makes it difficult to recite.

Non-traditional male-female relationships cause a lot of headaches and heartaches. The jury is still deliberating on whether or not it is worth it.

I believe that when people stop listening, they cease to live. This world is about human interactions.

I believe that I can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats valets, waiters / waitresses and all people who work in airports.

I believe in traveling. I believe in not living in a vacuum.

Scary movies breed more than one kind of fear. I just finished watching a scary movie where the chick tricks the guy into sleeping with her, goes off the deep end when he rejects her, gets crazy-psycho-bitch and becomes a homicidal maniac. No wonder people are scared of love: Hollywood tells us that love turns seemingly normal women into deranged bitches with vendettas.

An essential part of being human is feeling pain, pain unintentionally bestowed upon us. The bad makes us appreciate the good ten-fold.

Once an addict, always an addict.

It is human nature to ruin good things one-by-one. And negative connotations will always be stronger than positive connotations.

Cornily, I believe that love pushes me to excel when all I want to do is curl into the fetal position and regress. This love may come in the form of text messages or late night phone calls that force me out of bed when depression is creeping over me.

It is ok for me to lose a sense of self for a while - as long as I go on a crusade to find myself after not-too-long. I spent most of 2005 without a sense of self, and then I remembered an important thing: I am a writer. Suddenly, as if by magic, my self of sense was found.

With laughter and argument I can make it through anything.

This situation in which I first meet someone will determine the course and nature of the relationship.

Innocence and magic. Moderation and variety.

There are ghosts among us. Most of them are in the form of memories.

Dancing. Alone. With a baby to rock him to sleep. Or close.

I believe in the healing and restorative powers of water. On a bad day, there is nothing like shower to wash it all away, if even only until I dry.

I believe in love, miracles and wishes. All of which are found in good poetry and literature.

I believe in sleeping with jewelry on. And occasionally painting my toenails red. These are things that make me feel better, even if I am the only one who knows about them.

London, D.C. and North Carolina. They all call me. It is just a matter of time until I make it back.

I believe in tucking things in books for another day.

Welcome to the new year.

• "A Single Serving" appears second and fourth Mondays every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine. E-mail Melissa at m.koss@yahoo.com. Photo of Melissa by Anne Coloso.

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