Some of my past relationships have struggled because of my choice to be a comedian and the resulting personality that goes along with it. While I do know some comedians who are in good relationships, most of us are perpetually single or pass in and out of short-lived relationships. After my last relationship ran its course, I was persuaded to join Match.com by friends and family. Upon browsing the site, I noticed that every girl says somewhere in the first paragraph of her profile that she is looking for “a funny guy” or “a guy with a good sense of humor.” Based upon how hard it has been for my comedian friends and I to find dates or succeed in relationships, I find those profile comments hard to believe unless, of course, douche bags and guys with money are hilarious. I do believe girls like funny guys, but I question how high up on the priority list that quality is. Let’s face it, it would make girls look bad to say, “I’m looking for a guy with lots of money who is extremely good looking.”

To be honest, I guess I can see where you ladies are coming from. A comedian who is well into his career spends most of his time on the road. A comic who is in the early stages has no money and often time works at low paying, demeaning day jobs. And while we can make people cry from laughter while we’re on stage, the irony is that we are usually funny onstage because of how miserable we are in our regular lives. Our comedy has become our coping mechanism, our way to have the last laugh on the world. I can only assume it is as bad or worse for female comedians because on top of everything else, I could see where their boyfriends might be threatened or intimidated by a female who is funnier than they are and who gets more attention. Even guys who aren’t comedians think they are comedians and want to be the ones getting the laughs in group settings. Sadly, finding a soul mate can be yet another one of life’s joys that becomes complicated by choosing a career in comedy.

Of course one reason I got into comedy was the hope that, like rock star groupies, there would be comedy groupies ready to throw their panties at me at every show. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Women say they love funny guys, but in my experience they much prefer someone who can play the guitar while gyrating on stage. Comedians lose out on the lasting relationship, and they don’t cash in on the groupie consolation prize. I admit that occasionally there is a girl at a show who is willing to sleep with you because she thought you were hilarious and may be on your way up to fame and fortune, but comedy groupies aren’t as hot as rock band groupies. The resulting one-night stands aren’t something you’d want to read about in Rolling Stone. The comedian, however, can still hold the ace in the hole, pun intended, if he achieves celebrity stature. Then he becomes the “guy with so much money he doesn’t have to be good looking” that girls will line up for.

As I’ve said before, it isn’t easy being a young comedian in Chicago. We love what we do and wouldn’t give it up for the world, but it comes at a cost. We keep paying the price because the truth is nothing compares to killing on stage. Hearing laughter that you generated is part of a creative process that is worth the trade off most of the time. Let me just invite you ladies who really do want a funny guy to take a chance on a comedian. Even if it doesn’t lead to a permanent relationship, at least you’ll have a good story and you’ll have some laughs. The douche bags with money will still be around when the laughter fades.

• "The Struggling Comic" appears exclusively in Lumino Magazine. Dustin White is a comedian/writer/actor living in Chicago. You can reach him through his Web site at www.dustinwhitecomedian.com.

Comments

i don't think it's the 'douchebags wi Written by Guest on 2007-01-11 10:28:55 it's the fact that ALL performers, especially comedians, as a natural part of their personality, have an incessant need to constantly seek and have attention, possibly lessening their ability to attend to others in the same manner? i don't have enough empirical evidence to back this up; it's merely a theory as a bystander.    also, i think it's pretty clear that probably all comedians, ESPECIALLY stand-up comedians, are insane.

Written by Guest on 2007-02-07 12:42:20 Very well written article by a sweet guy. I broke with my boyfriend recently because I was so in need of fun and laughter, not much else.

gross me out Written by Guest on 2007-02-22 15:20:30 i dated a comedian. and if it was just that he got more attention or that he used me as joke fodder, i could handle that. it was his weird and painful emotional make-up. the relationship just felt like some sort of revenge for being treated badly when he was growing up. it was deeply f***ed up. i will never date another comedian. they are there to be fun and funny for fans. if you aren't a sycophantic/girlfriend/fan you are just in their way. but they'll string you along and use you to feel better after a show doesn't go too well. yup.

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Written by Guest on 2010-10-03 22:07:39 i wouldn't "like" a guy because he was funny. i actually require it. i dont care if you volunteer at an animal shelter and are a CEO, if you cant make me life i will hate you. i once put up with a stingy, UGLY metrosexual dude just because he was one of the funniest people i knew. my standards have been improved, but i still find myself being bored to death by "philosophical" casinovas and "average joes" who do not share my sense of humor.   keep looking dude. also i would buy a pair of fake mutton chops to badly glue to the sides of your face. it would make for an interesting ice breaker. and you could could screen the superficial groupies.

Written by Guest on 2010-11-23 23:21:14 Agree that laughter is important in any relationship. Having dated the comedian... hands down the worst. Attention needing and selfish are the first words that come to mind. He could never settle down and was always looking for more... attention and fame. ALWAYS needing to be center of attention.The WORST.

Written by Guest on 2011-01-05 16:17:36 You gotta' separate funny and "sense of humor" from COMEDIAN. Girls DO want a guy with a sense of humor, but they do NOT want a comedian. When you TRY to make people laugh it comes off as approval seeking. Girls don't want that, they don't want some WUSS who puts them up on a pedestal and seeks their approval. It's UNattractive. The irony is it doesn't matter if you have rock solid confidence and a great sens of self. Telling too many jokes (on stage or in normal conversation) is PERCEIVED as approval seeking, and that's enough to send the girls running. I finally quit comedy after 10 years once I had the epiphany that it was destroying my dating life. That feeling on stage is good. But not worth it AT ALL COSTS. At the expense of my dating life?? NO WAY! The only reason any comics ever get girls is that FAME is attractive. FAME trumps the turn-off factor of "approval-seeking by telling jokes." That's the reality. If you really want to be a comedian, it's at the expense of being attractive to the opposite sex. Your choice on whether you're willing to make that sacrifice.

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