There have been times where I have found the Career Woman side of me forgetting my roots. Physically and genetically, my body is the way it is so that I can grow a baby, feed a baby and perpetuate the human race. Positively nothing, says even my cynical Career Woman side, is wrong with that. The ability to make human life from single cells is a blessing and a miracle.
However, Career Woman Melissa has – on more than one occasion – judged other women for foregoing their careers for babies and the new career as a housewife, or the P.C. Domestic Engineer. While I roll through lists of how incomprehensible it is to me that another Career Woman (especially a Career Woman in Corporate America) could give up the x, y, z of her job, could go from being well respected in her field to being a housewife, I must stop myself.
The Suffragettes and the Feminists fought for the vote, equality and the right to choose. Choice is a big responsibility. Choose to sleep around or be celibate. Choose to be blond, brunette or red headed. Choose to bob her hair or wear it long. Choose to show her ankles or wear pants. Choose to vote or not to vote. Choose to be silent or speak up when a man pushes the boundaries of inappropriateness. Choose children, choose adoption, choose in vitro, choose to be childless. Choose tradition, or choose modernity. The choice, any choice, is a big responsibility, not to be taken lightly, with a grain of salt. But a choice all the same. And there is always a moment, when the choice is made and the choice cannot be reversed – a moment that changes everything.
As a self-described feminist, I must remember that to work outside the home or to be a wife and a mother are choices that women make. And I must – and I will - have equal respect for either decision, or a blending of the two. (After all, my mother was at home for most of my childhood, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world.) But I also must remember what my foresisters and foremothers did for me. They made it so that legally, among other things, I was not the property of my father or my husband and that I had equal rights to my own offspring. For that, I am forever indebted to the likes of Alice Paul, Lucy Burns, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Emmeline Pankhurst and all the other women who picketed, protested and starved themselves in the name of suffrage.
Personally, I believe those women paved the way for me not even a century ago to be the Career Woman I am today, the homeowner I am today, the writer I am today, the woman I am today. And I won’t give anything away until I have it all. There need not be a trade-off of one for another.
• "A Single Serving" appears second and fourth Mondays every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine. E-mail Melissa at m.koss@yahoo.com. Photo of Melissa by Anne Coloso.
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good.
Written by Guest on 2007-01-30 17:43:26
Melissa, i am glad that you have decided to not judge those women that choose to be at home with their kids. my mother was one of those women and if i were able to when i have kids i would do it without a second thought. but hell, i raise other people's kids for a living now so not much will really be changing. hehe. |
Mom
Written by Guest on 2007-01-31 19:28:36
 This is one of your best columns. It's nice to have choices. When I was a young bride, men did not want their wives working and women fought to do it--even if it was flipping burgers! Now it seems reversed. Some women now would like to be home with their children, but their income (or health insurance) is needed so they must work. |
Confused
Written by Guest on 2007-02-26 09:48:45
I don't understand your last two sentences: And I won’t give anything away until I have it all. There need not be a trade-off of one for another. What are you saying?
Also, though I know you haven't done it since you are single, but I think it's selfish to say you wouldn't give up a career to raise better children. What's more important? Quality lives or money? |
