According to a recent New York Times article 51 percent of women today are unmarried, and for most it isn’t a problem. Instead of worrying about dating and getting married, or remarried, these women are living their lives traveling, working, volunteering and spending time with their children, and without regret. For a younger generation of women, who are, for the most part, choosing to stay single longer, I wonder if we can move toward this enlightened theory of living.
There’s no doubt that it’s a real boost to our egos when someone of the opposite sex walks up and simply says “Hi”. A little flirtation and we feel like a million bucks. A date made and we’re on cloud nine with hopes and dreams suddenly fluttering around this new prospect. And there are those women who dress provocatively just to get attention by men, but they don’t recognize that the attention they are receiving is not that of a potential long term suitor, but a one night, good bye. They often (read: we all sometimes feel) feel so desperate to feel love that they become serial one night standers, hoping that one will stick around. But then it becomes apparent that it’s the only way they know how to feel sexy and desirable and there is no prospect at all.
Even if he’s more Mr. Wrong than Mr. Right we find ourselves jumping in fully clothed at a chance for “true” love.
It’s as if we’ve given up so much control to the opposite sex that we’ve forgotten how to honor ourselves and remember what it is we’re looking for. Instead of leaving the bar depressed that you didn’t get, or give, any digits we should feel great about our abilities to attract and receive praise, even if it’s fleeting or flirting.
Meanwhile, around the globe there are five kinds of women; those who have absolutely no rights and no respect from men whatsoever and no choice in who they date or marry; those who feel that they have to hang on to what they have even if it results in a potentially miserable marriage; those who pretend that they are out dating and having fun but are secretly miserable without a life partner; those who are lucky enough to find their life partners; and those who enjoy life and see dating as fun rather than a means to an end.
In China, young successful women go out on the town nearly every night to a seedy part of town and pay for table service and male company for the night at some of the hottest clubs. That’s right. These men are hired to flatter and flirt with these busy women who don’t have time to date, per se, but are in need of male attention.
These 21st Century women are more than willing to get dressed to the nines and then head out to the club with girlfriends and pay to be treated like the most amazing women on Earth. On top of it, these women pay the men’s tabs!
However, it is required, in order to go to some of hotspots, for women to reserve their male admirers for the night beforehand. Most of the time these women request the same men and friendships, even romances, are born, but a job is a job and these guys are as monogamous as they can be. Some of them make hundreds if not thousands of dollars a night from smart, intelligent and hard working women who have learned to assert themselves and reverse their dating psychology. And the fact that the women are swinging for the Crystal doesn’t hurt either.
Like the western world, the parents of today’s Chinese women had fewer options, especially women, and they married young and had children. A generation later, Chinese women share our freedom to pursue a career we enjoy, to work hard and move on, and like most of us it means working hard, playing harder and putting off marriage and children. They’ve just discovered a better way to feel wanted and desirable without the commitment.
If only we could have such an understanding of self and confidence. And we do, in our own ways, yet so many of us are still tied down by the pressure to be married – family pressures or self-induced masochism. It’s nearly impossible to enjoy the fun side of dating with this kind of pressure, for men and women.
The truth is that we put way too much pressure on ourselves to be everything society expects us to be, and today’s society says that is divorced with a fat alimony check and a story we can sell to Oprah. Why is it so hard for women, especially, to live for themselves? The ticking time bomb inside is a factor, but isn’t life a ticking time bomb full of potential disasters and health scares?
We should live every day as if it’s the last and make sure that at the end of the day we lived for ourselves, for our gifts, for love and for making a difference somewhere. I, personally, would pay a few bucks to sit in a bar and have hot guys fawn all over me. Oh, yeah, that sounds like a great idea! It only guarantees that once I leave that bar I will be warmed up, with an added flush to the cheeks, to make a real impression on those unsuspecting males at the next bar.
• "Dating Games" appears first and third Mondays of every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine. E-mail Jennifer at jenfort@hotmail.com.
