I’m a little baffled, honestly, as to why the studios are releasing their summer cash cows in such short proximity to one another. They’ll all make a ton of money, of course, but much like a Highlander, there can be only one at the top of the box office. The studios want bragging rights; they want to have the film that everyone will still be talking about come Christmas. With so much competition, however, one of these movies is bound to get burned. So now May has turned into an all-out boxing match. Before we start placing our bets, though, let’s take a look at the contenders:

Spider-Man 3 (May 4)

Well, here’s a little independent you’ve probably never heard of… It’s possible that “Spider-Man 3” will end up as the biggest hit of the year. It certainly better be as it is reportedly the most expensive film ever made, with a budget between $250-300 million. Hopefully that money translates to the screen with thrilling action sequences and state-of-the-art effects. Otherwise, it might end up this year’s “Superman Returns,” all bluster and nothing to show for it. This time around Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) is planning on popping the big question to Mary-Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst). Getting in the way of this is new villain, the Sandman (Thomas Hayden Church; y’know, the guy from “Wings!”) and Harry Osborn (James Franco), seeking vengeance for the death of his father. Spidey also has to contend with an evil alien symbiote that attaches itself to his costume and brings out his dark side. And I haven’t even gotten to Venom—a Spidey-like villain with a grudge against Parker—yet. Whew! Early word is that the film suffers from “X-Men 3” syndrome: Too much plot and not enough time to tell it. Still, if anyone is talented enough to pull it off it’s director Sam Raimi. And let’s face it… You’re going to go see this no matter what I say.

Shrek the Third (May 18)

The “Shrek” movies are fun bits of fluff, but they have a bad habit of recycling jokes, making them bigger and broader, and pumping out all the humor in the process. For example, a talking gingerbread man in “Shrek” is funny; a giant, mentally-challenged gingerbread man in “Shrek 2” is not. The trailer for “Shrek the Third” makes it out to be more of the same. Early buzz, however, indicates that the film focuses less on cheap laughs and more on character and story. And what is that story? Well, in a surprisingly morbid turn for a kid’s movie, Shrek’s father-in-law, King Harold (John Cleese), dies, leaving the kingdom of Far, Far Away in Shrek’s rule. Shrek (Mike Myers, happy to cash that paycheck) doesn’t feel fit to be king, so he goes on a quest to find a young King Arthur (Justin Timberlake) to rule in his place. Accompanying him are Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss In Boots (Antonio Banderas), who I’m sure will get up to some kind of HILARIOUS mischief. Of the three blockbusters listed this is the one I’m most unsure about. It could be good, or it could be a sad retread. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (May 25)

Bloated with plot and character, “POTC: Dead Man’s Chest” found itself on my list of the worst films of 2006. I absolutely hated it, and even the film’s defenders seemed a little disappointed. The question, then, is will this final installment just be more of the same, or will it find the perfect note on which to end the adventures of Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp)? To its credit, “At World’s End” brings back one of the best parts of the first film—Geoffrey Rush as a grizzled ghost pirate—as well as bringing back the great Bill Nighy as Davy Jones and introducing the always reliable Chow Yun Fat as Sao Feng, pirate lord of the Far East. The trailer for “At World’s End” gives us a peak at some of the action and visuals on display and they do look pretty fabulous. All this would seem to indicate that we have a first-rate blockbuster on our hands, but then again… I remember thinking the exact same thing around this time last year.

If, by chance, you like your movies a little more quaint (i.e. featuring less than ten explosions), you might want to check out some of the films getting more limited releases:

Paris, Je T’aime (May 4)

Bigwig filmmakers like Alexander Payne, Gus Van Sant, Alfonso Cuarón, Wes Craven, and the Coen Brothers all come together in this collection of short films about Paris. The films differ greatly in tone, with some being funny, sad, horrific, or all three at once. The film also features a cast that includes Elijah Wood, Natalie Portman, Willem Dafoe, Steve Buscemi, Bob Hoskins, and more. While it looks as though it might be a tad uneven as a whole, the huge array of talent on display here is more than enough to warrant a viewing.

28 Weeks Later (May 11)

Those loveable zombies that run, snarl, and throw-up blood are back in this sequel to “28 Days Later.” It is now 28 weeks later (duh), the Rage epidemic is quarantined, and life in London is starting to get back to normal. That is, until a woman is discovered who is still harboring the zombie-making virus in her bloodstream. Quicker than you can say “Dawn of the Dead,” the virus is set free and all hell breaks loose. I’m not sure if there were too many people itching for this sequel to be made, but early reports indicate that if you liked the first one, you’ll be into this one.

Georgia Rule (May 11)

a.k.a the film that Lindsay Lohan ruined. What was supposed to be the second wave of Jane Fonda’s return to the big screen turned into a huge debacle when reports surfaced that Lohan’s manic nightlife was threatening the quality of the film, which tells the story of three generations of women coming together to bond as a family. Whether all the trouble is apparent in the final product remains to be seen. Will this be a heartwarming chick flick, or a big, sappy mess?

Bug (May 18)

Based on a play by Steppenwolf ensemble member Tracy Letts, “Bug” marks director William Friedkin’s (“The Exorcist”) return to the horror genre. A war veteran (Michael Shannon) and a lovelorn woman (Ashley Judd) shack up in a seedy motel, where they become increasingly paranoid that their room is infested with bugs. No one does creepy like Friedkin, so if you’re looking to have the crap scared out of you, this film seems like a safe bet.

Other releases include “Lucky You,” “Delta Farce,” and “Captivity.” “Blech!” I say to all three of ‘em.

Now I’m not one for box office predictions, as I always seem to let what I want to be number one influence my judgment. For my part, however, I’m guessing that “Spider-Man 3” will wind up the heavyweight champion for May (and possibly the summer). “Pirates” and “Shrek” will do fairly well but may prove disappointing, and I think “28 Weeks Later” might become an early-summer sleeper hit. Still, regardless of the numbers, May will be a busy month. So get those wallets out, put in a couple of eye drops, buy yourself an industrial-sized bucket of popcorn, and get ready to go to the movies.

Write Comment
Name:	Guest
Title:
Comment:
Code:*

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!