Let's see...everything is booked, so you are going to have to do it yourself. And by that I mean, a nice outdoor wedding at the local parks department or forest preserve, or a semi-private Moose/Elks Club. In the interest of trying not to subject your guest to last night's fish fry...outdoors it is!

Okay...you find a cozy little picnic spot...make sure it has a shelter. There is no reason to think that your wedding day will be perfect, Cinderella. It may rain...and if it does rain...it will probably pour...or there will be some sort of tornado involved. So, get the shelter and a tent...just in case.

Okay, someone's going to have to cook and it would be in your best interest to find a friend that just so happens to do that for a living. Tell them they can create any glorious masterpiece that they want... you will supply the food...grill...utensils...all they need to do is bring their creative genius... oh, and their chef's hat. You might need to get an actual job in a restaurant to pull this off...If not, just call the caterer to bring the chicken and pasta salad...

Now, because you want your family to drive an hour and a half for you, you had better have something for the nieces and nephews to do. My recommendation...the moonwalk! You cannot go wrong and the parent's will thank you later for the disappearing act you performed on their children for six hours.

Photographer....Please! We were lucky that Peter's father has an absolute passion for his digital camera. He was more than happy to put his skills to work at our special occassion.

DJ...Okay, this was complete luck here, but my father just semi-retired and has been collecting DJ equipment for the last few months and has burned more cd's and collected more music than any man should have access to. (I suppose it is wierd when your father knows all the Justin Timberlake songs on his newest album while you are rolling your eyes as your son begs for you to "turn that up....PLEASE!!") If you have no such father or relative...bring your Ipod, stereo, cd player, band, etc. Burn some cd's, download some bad mp3's...it's all in the name of love.

Invites...very simple. Michaels. They have 50 invites that you can print yourself. I know what you are thinking...Beth, you work for a printer, why for did they not do your invites? Because they are busy producing jobs that actually make us money. I have enough problems with last minute rushes from my customer's... If you don't like Michael's, you can always look online and I'm sure there are tons of do-it-yourself kits for invitations.

Last but not least, preacher. Okay, now's the time to pretend that since you moved away, you have been faithfully going to church(Eventhough you haven't), and the man standing next to you hasn't been sleeping in your bed for the last two years (eventhough we have and I have the indent marks in my mattress to prove it), and you would love to make a hearty donation to the Episcopal church (and you will!). Our first instinct was to get a Baptist minister, you know the stereotypical kind from the south that sweats, hems and haws, scawls, and praises Jesus in song every two seconds, but that just constituted actually going to church, so we opted out on that.

Lastly, fireworks and transvestites...Never forget the fireworks and tranvestites.

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