Unabashed, unfazed and always willing to answer (most) questions posed to me, I try to find a fitting answer to this question each time it is asked. Usually I tell stories similar to those that are in this column about my adventures and failures in the dating world from drug addicts to panty stealers to first-date mishaps. While my listeners typically like my stories, they are usually followed by a comment from the story’s listener such as “I am glad I am not on the dating scene anymore. It seems so hard.”
I have been dating for long enough to say with certainty that dating has never been easy. But it seems to be becoming more difficult as of late. The men I encounter seem to be confused or confounded or plain lazy. They have either been quite eager to jump into a relationship after the first date or so standoffish that I have to chase. They have lied and deceived and stole and played games. I cannot tell if it is the circles I run in or if it is the caliber of men or if it is me – maybe I just attract the freakier of freaky men.
Therefore, I have come up with a personal challenge: I am going to see how long I can go without going on a date.
This is not a feministo thing. Or a man-hater thing. Or a way to positively frame any inability to get a date.
It is a bonafide challenge.
This is why: I have not met a good man, who I am also interested in, who is interested in me for the right reasons, who has long-term potential (not just a temporary effect), who isn’t intimidated or freaked out or sending mixed messages, or playing games; so I am not going to date until all of those criteria can be met. Everything else is settling. Or trying to convince myself that the situation is right when so many signs about it are clearly telling me something is not right.
Another reason for my personal challenge is that – even between adults – there is a bitter or foul taste left in one’s mouth when the hope of dating isn’t fulfilled. Music is tainted. Social scenes are awkward. And I think it is all unnecessary.
For example, a few weeks ago, while out with my girlfriend Anne, a gentleman was taking me for a spin around the dance floor when Anne stopped him and said something along the lines of the following: “If you want to get anywhere with her, you need to sweep her off her feet.” He didn’t know what that meant, so he didn’t get anywhere.
Right now, I prefer to build relationships with people, to get to know people before I consider them date-worthy. In other words, I just want to be friends. Let all that other stuff fall to the wayside.
• "A Single Serving" appears second and fourth Mondays every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine. E-mail Melissa at m.koss@yahoo.com. Photo of Melissa by Anne Coloso.
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Written by Guest on 2007-05-15 09:06:00
wouldn't you have to go on a date in order to find a guy with all of your qualifications? |
