If you are acquitted of murder, don’t you think you would do everything right from that point forward? You are given a second chance, so you shouldn’t have any run-ins with the law. From the point you are acquitted to the point you die, stay out of the way of crime.

Not for O.J.

The Juice got into some serious trouble when he allegedly charged into a Vegas hotel room and demanded the accuser give him back something. Allegedly he was armed, too. If you listen to the audio tapes, he sounds a little angry as well. OJ, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Here’s how I would have handled the situation, given what I know. For sake of protecting the innocent, we will call me Nick in this situation.

Nick is a former star running back who dominated the NFL before being made into a Hollywood star thanks to a great run in the Naked Gun series. Nick’s life seemed perfect. Beautiful children, a broadcasting career, and even a multi-million-dollar deal with Hertz. Ah, life is good. Then, someone murders Nick’s ex-wife and her friend. And god damnit, tries framing Nick. I guess that’s the trouble with being a celebrity. So Nick jumps in his fancy Bronco (we will say the color was, well, white) and threatens to commit suicide for reasons unknown. All the freakin’ evidence goes against Nick. If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit. Nick is cleared of murder, which he didn’t do, but had he done it he would have wrote it in a book.

Nick is down on his luck. In a civil suit, he loses a battle. He didn’t commit a murder, so why does he own the families so much cash? Nick decides to stay happy and just play golf for a few years. Nick sells some memorabilia from here and there to make the extra dolla.

Then, one day in September of 2007 – years and years later – someone steals Nick’s shiznit. So Nick is angry. And this is where Nick, I mean I, would have done something differently.

Someone stole from me, I’m calling the police. Simple. Done. I am an innocent man, I never did anything wrong, they should have my back. For God’s sake, it’s America.

Idiot. OJ, you are my official dumbass of the week.

Now, for last week’s dumbass, I am going to turn to Tom Brady. Yes, the guy all girls go wild for. Good looking. Super Bowl stud. America’s man.

I’m just going to toss it out there, but if Bill Belichick has been Brady’s coach during the dynasty, and Belichick was just ratted on by a former employee of his for stealing defensive signals, do you think there’s a connection between Brady and his success? If I knew that three rushers would be blitzing from the left, I would run right. If I knew there was a double team defense lined up on my star receiver deep down the field, I would hand the ball to my running back. Hmm, I wonder how much of an edge Brady has had over the years?

I am not saying he isn’t a great player, but give those extra bonus hints to Rex Grossman, and you might have a Tom Brady. Brady was not a first round pick. He was not predicted to be great. Usually greatness can be detected in a draft (ehem, lottery picks). For half a million dollars, Belichick made a great investment (was fined) in creating a Hall of Fame quarterback and a dynasty. That truly is a small price to pay for the ROI the Pats have received.

And if I were a Pats fan, I would be ecstatic that it lasted that long. Heck, if the Bears did that I would defend them till the end. But, I would also be able to say Rex Grossman and Hall of Fame in the same sentence without laughing, hysterically. Just throwing it out there, perhaps Brady is a football optical illusion.

OJ and the Brady/Belichick duo – Nick’s dumbasses of the week.

And it’s good to be a Bear’s fan. In the words of Johnny Drama – VICTORY.

Xo

Nick

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