I have relevant information on the topic, as I chose this past weekend, otherwise known as The First Shitty-Snow-Stormy Weekend of this Shitty-Snow-Stormy Season to occur in this Shitty-Snow-Stormy region of the country, to move from my beloved if outgrown studio apartment to a one-bedroom six blocks away. (This move, along with my switch from the “kids list” to the “adult list” in our family’s holiday gift exchange, finally, after 24 years of life, qualifies me as a real, functioning, adult member of society. Yay.)

Anyhow, take my advice below with a grain of salt. After all, I’ve only been a real adult for two days, so I may not be the best source of knowledge on the subject. Don’t tell anyone.

Moving Day Tip #1: Feed and water the troops

In one more outstanding show of adulthood, I decided to make my first parent-free move this time around (that’s not to say I didn’t ask, nay, beg my parents for help- but I think after moving me and my same 20-year-old bed frame approximately 14 times (exaggeration, slight) since my first move at 17, they have earned the right to pass on this and all future moves).

Thus, it was up to me and a few friends to take on all of the work. How do I attract such friends, you say? Well, aside from using my free time to hypnotize the type of quality people who would help someone move in the middle of a blizzard into being my friends, I tend to use bribes. Specifically, pizza and beer. Cheap? Maybe. But hey, I may be all about the bribes, but I’m also moving into a one-bedroom apartment with hissing radiator heat and tin cupboards in the kitchen. The Taj Mahal it is not. Thus, it is pizza and beer. Every little bit helps.

Moving Day Tip #2: If you are moving in the middle of a blizzard, you should probably invest in a pair of boots beforehand, and not wear slip-on loafers for ‘the convenience.’

Common sense, you say?

And you are probably right. Cut me some slack, I've only been an adult for one weekend.

Moving Day Tip #3: Big boxes are evil, and want to hurt you

Okay, here was my rationale, and my explanation, for packing all of my stuff (most of which is heavy books) into large boxes:

a.) I was choosing my boxes in the middle of an unheated, cement-floored, confusing UPS store, all by myself, after dark. In a moment of sheer desperation and panic, I just grabbed and ran. I GRABBED AND RAN. b.) I figured, bigger boxes= less trips. c.) I’m a f*cking moron.

Because, as it turns out, bigger boxes, when loaded up with books and clothes, weigh approximately 60+ pounds, and are literally impossible for one person, and very difficult for two people, to carry up three flights of stairs.

(Note: the large moving boxes actually say on them- ‘Use only for lighter objects, such as light shades and pillows,’ but I’ve never been one to follow directions written on cardboard because, as I said above under subset ‘c,’ I am a f*cking moron.)

Moving Day Tip #4: Don’t move in the middle of freaking December, on the first day of the year that Tom Skilling actually uses the words “snow storm” and seemingly laughs into your moronic face from behind the safety of his enormous, Doppler-covered green screen.

So, well, now I know that.

And now so do you.

However, after all is said and done, it was worth it all- worth all of the bruises and near-fatal ice slides and trips up and down the stairs- it was worth it all to be able to have, after two years, an actual bedroom with a door that closes. It’s all about appreciating the small things. That’s my Christmas wisdom I’m passing along for the season. I’m very wise, now that I’m an adult.

(Additional Note: I may have stolen my wisdom from Oprah.)

Write Comment
Name:	Guest
Title:
Comment:
Code:*

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!