It is not at all rare for a novel written by a celebrity, whether a ghostwriter is involved or not, to be poorly or otherwise haphazardly written. What is exceptional, however, is to the extent of just how horrific and laden with mistakes a novel could be and still be published. With that in mind, I present you Dustin Diamond’s “Behind the Bell.”
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“Behind the Bell”
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By Dustin Diamond
(Transit Publishing, Inc.)
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Many of you might not recognize the name as much as the character he played on TV for over a decade. Dustin Diamond made a long career playing the school nerd "Screech" on the popular NBC sitcom, Saved by the Bell. In fact, he was the only actor to appear in the two later spin-offs. Calling the book “Behind the Bell,” the book is cleverly disguising itself as Diamond’s biographical expose into the world of the hit television show “Saved by the Bell” and all of its incarnations. However, this tome reeks of a bitter man who is more concerned with condemning his former cast mates and boasting his supposedly numerous sexual exploits. Naturally one cannot fault the man for his desire for his own obviously embellished telling of history; after all, if one is going to write about things that have passed to a wanting and naïve audience. Still, fault can be placed for how remarkably poorly it is executed.
On more than one occasion, words are repeated, and on a couple of more notable excerpts, an entire paragraph is repeated. There are words that are misspelled; entirely common ones that no one who uses a spell check would have missed. Even without glancing at the content of this book, for lack of a better word, is a thinly veiled love story written to and from Dustin Diamond.
In addition to discussing the dirtier side of his days on SBTB, Diamond also unveils the apparently obvious truth that reality television is, in truth, anything but. Of course, it is no secret that reality television lies. A number of the contestants on American Idol had a history in the music industry even though they’re not supposed to, most of the women on Flava of Love couldn’t stand the physical sight of the man let alone were falling in love with him and the people on The Real World aren’t nearly as intolerant of each other as the producers want you to believe.
A majority of those situations are orchestrated by the voiceless “powers that be.” However, Diamond goes out of his way to make sure that the reader is aware that any of the situations that made him look like the bad guy, was and is because that is what the producers wanted. And, of course, anything that worked or made him look good was entirely his own doing and making. Always right and never wrong; just how many half-truths are we supposed to believe?
After reading this book in its entirety, one would believe that all of Hollywood is a seamy underbelly; a cesspool of promiscuity and inebriation of all sorts occasionally and inconveniently disrupted by being in front of a studio audience. In addition, it chews up and spits out anyone who has the burden of a good moral disposition, which Diamond of course claims is himself. Everyone around him, especially his cast mates on SBTB, were all having sex with each other and doing drugs on a regular basis. He admits to his own brand of debauchery, but hypocritically boasts about it one moment then claims that he was better than those around him because he was somehow more professional. It’s like claiming to be better than the forest from the middle of the trees.
This book is just sad. He claims that throughout the entire time that he was on SBTB he was a picked on outsider, and yet he is forever attempting to distance himself from his alienating roll. He is the pathetic, desperate child actor doing everything in his power to convince everyone that he is anything but Screech, boasting about his sexual exploits and “monstrously large dong” and talking about how he used to get drunk and smoke pot. An awkward, picked on outsider raised by the system of Hollywood grew into a miserable has been, and he is completely aware. And yet there is still something that compels a reader.
This book should give hope to any aspiring author; if Dustin Diamond can do it, with this many grammatical and literary errors, then surely there shouldn’t be anything stopping you. And, as a big “Saved by the Bell fan”, this book provides a realistic yet nostalgic view into one of the most popular shows of the 1990s. If you have that kind of curiosity, then it is worth your time, but only from your local library, because if you were to pay any amount of money you would feel as though you spent too much for it.
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