Luckily for me, the candy store was within walking distance. I can remember when I was seven years of age and the candy store seemed like it was miles away. It was called Daniel’s Market, and I can still vividly remember the first time my parents let me walk with a neighbor to this heaven down the street.

“Mom, can I please go with (We’ll call him Scuba Steve to protect the innocent) to the candy store,” I begged.

“OK, but watch both ways when you cross the street,” I am sure she said, as protecting me from ongoing traffic was much more important than encouraging my obesity.

So, I ran upstairs and gathered as much change and a few dollar bills as I had saved up in my G.I. Joe bank – a real American Hero – and ran outside, prepared to make the purchase of a life time. I wasn’t going to buy stock from the New York stock exchange, but certainly a stock of energy and jiggly fat. Amen.

Steve and I swam our way to Daniel’s and began our purchases.

“What’s this?” I asked, noticing a foreign box split into two halves.

“Oh, that’s Nerds Candy,” Steve said, acting as if he were the guru of candy.

I was intrigued.

“So, let me get this straight. If I don’t like the grape, I can have the cherry. And if I don’t like the cherry, I can have the grape. And if I want to mix them together I can?” I asked with such joy.

“Why, yes. That’s what makes Nerds cool.”

So, I took those words to heart, realizing, at seven, that I could apply this theory to everything thanks to Nerds Candy. I could wear a navy blue shirt with brown pants. Oh yes I could. Wow, this was the statement I was going to hold true, as soon as I purchased three boxes of this delicious treat presumably constructed from drops of other candies.

I was going to go big. I pulled out my two dollars and handed it to who I assume was Daniel, and had my three boxes of Nerds candy. What a revolution. Oh what a day.

And just when you thought the story couldn’t get any better get this. I have come to two realizations from that splendid afternoon. First, the difference in Nerds makes it so cool, and perhaps, Nerds, as in people, are just as cool too. Wow. And second, I am a ner….er. idiot, because those two dollars I spent that day were autographed by Michael Jordan. Yeah, MJ – only the greatest basketball player to play the game. Can you say DUMBASS?

So, I got my Nerds on at high cost, but when you need your sugar high, living the high life is damn easy. And, I am definitely not cool enough for a nerd, but can certainly scoot by as an idiot.

Eat up. Enjoy!

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