No matter what's going on, May is always looking for a laugh. He recalls the latest Michael Jackson joke when asked what jokes he's enjoyed lately.

"If I were a little kid at Michael Jackson's house, I would tell my friends to get in there and take a few shots for the team – he has a roller coaster. Go do that, and we're in. That was killing me!" he recalls.

May remembers his first brush with fame, competing against other comedians in "Last Comic Standing."

"I just went up there and didn't stop with the jokes," he says . "Actually, when I hit the stage, it was real rickety. It was a portable stage and I was like, 'Is anyone else nervous that I'm on this stage with my fat ass?' And they started laughing. I was like, 'This thing is shaking more than Michael J. Fox without medicine.' It was crazy. And they were like, 'Right on, you're the man.'"

LIGHTEN UP

May says things get a little too serious in America today. "… The way I look at it, if you can't take a joke, take a cab," he says.

"I am sick of America being too uptight," he says. "Students of Northwestern in Chicago are protesting the fact that after a wonderful Martin Luther King Jr. Day celebration the cafeteria is serving fried chicken, corn bread and collard greens. Everybody gets upset. And I'm like, that's Southern food. That's what Southern people eat. To me that sounds great… I mean what are they supposed to serve? Italian? Chinese? That stuff is good. I don't understand some people."

LOVIN' THE LADIES

May's humor has gotten him far in more than just the fame department. He claims to have been with the "big three," white, black and Hispanic women. He's got them all figured out.

"White girls are fantastic, less drama, more needy," May says. "With black girls there is always a story. With Latino girls, most guys aren't ready for them. You have to be stronger with Latino women, because they will run over you. If you don't, you will find yourself washing not only their car, but their ex-boyfriend's car."

RAPPIN' IT UP

"People call me the Eminem of comedy," May says. "I'm a big fan of rap. I don't like to begrudge it," he says. "A lot of comics like to make fun of it. I think it's a true America art form."

May is influenced comedically by Chris Rock as much as Sam Kinnison.

As for aspiring comics, May has clear-cut and direct advice.

"Get your first joke out within five seconds," he says. "Don't do any potty humor. Don't do any racial humor. Don't do any sexually adverse material. Look good. Smile. And have fun."

And that's what makes May succeed. He's clear-thinking, quick and inherently funny.

WHAT'S NEXT

VH1 is looking to capitalize even more on Ralphie's charisma and star power. Two more shows are in the works: "The Ralphie & Lahna Show" will have May and his fiancée, fellow comedian Lahna Turner in a "Newlyweds meets the Osbournes" show.

May also will host a new game show called "Braggin'."

Photos courtesy of Ralphie May

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