They are the singles that all singles fear to meet because they come off nice. You think there’s a chance, yet all the while they’re filling your head with a prelude to a future game of “yank my chain.”One story goes like this: Guy meets girl - instant attraction. Guy tells friends he’s so interested. Guy never calls girl. Girl finds out he’s dating someone else, but they’re supposedly on the outs. Guy catches wind that he may lose girl and begins actively text messaging, calling and e-mailing about “group outings.” Guy never asks girl out specifically and suddenly all communication halts. Later, girl finds out guy is seeing someone else, adding yet another woman into the mix, and was keeping girl on the line in case things didn’t work out. Worse yet, guy continues to call every so often as if to say “don’t forget about me” which is exactly what girl should do.
In this example it seems the guy was not interested in whom he’s dating or the girl he’s stringing along, so what’s the point in pursuing or leading either of them on? Is it possible that this is a breed of non-committers who are so afraid of being alone that they carry around today’s digital version of a black book as a security blanket?
As if leading on a long list of men or women isn’t enough to feed your egos.
This is a tale that I’ve personally experienced and heard repeated from friends, both men and women, over and over again. But lately, it seems to be even more common. For those of us over 30, we understand that there is a long list of dating games people play. We accept that some games are mandatory in interest of the “mating dance,” but there is a line and stringing people along is thick, black and, really, how can you miss it? It’s just rude.
My theory is that the now famous book, "He's Just Not That Into You," is actually on to something more than just empowering singles to stop wasting their time with those who aren't interested. It is a reminder to those who actively string people along to have respect for others and make up their mind what and who they want in a relationship, if they even want one. If you’re not interested in someone, why string them along? The road of life is bumpy enough, no one needs a concussion to make it worse.
So, my advice to those of you who might fall into this particularly unfavorable dating category is this: if you’re not really interested in someone, are dating someone else or just can’t make a commitment of any kind to anyone because you fear that something better might come along, or you’re just a commitment-phobe, please don’t hold the innocent captive for attention we may never receive.
If you do it because you’re afraid of being alone, get a cat and a shrink. And please stop calling, text messaging and e-mailing if your intentions are nothing more than collecting a large assortment of “friends” to date, without consequence, when you’re bored with your current relationship. Allow us the chance to move on with our lives and find what we’re looking for, because it’s obvious that you aren’t interested in holding the keys to anyone’s heart.
No one likes to be strung along. Believe me, if the tables were turned, you would feel sudden empathy. So, ask yourself why you enjoy wreaking havoc on other people’s lives to make yourself feel better. In grade school we called that a bully.
• "Dating Games" appears the 1st and 15th of every month, exclusively in Lumino Magazine.
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Written by Guest on 2008-04-30 00:22:03
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