It has taken me a long time to realize that no one is trying to torture me by asking this and other similar questions; in reality, it is the marrieds and the elders wanting to live vicariously through a young single, to remember what it was like to be single and free. For some reason, when thinking about singledom, people have visions of sugarplums, drunken debauchery and wild adventures.While the marrieds and elders are trying to live vicariously through me, I try to live vicariously through them. While they're running down Memory Lane, I’ve got Christmas carols crooning of chestnuts roasting and hot toddies warming the body and making spirits bright. Every year, the holiday is themed with visions of tenderness and warmth.
Which is often associated with companionship.
Which can result in a single experiencing depression – depression running deeply during the holidays.
And this year, I have decided to embrace the holiday dread, the probability of depression, the sure fact that I will be alone on Christmas, the possibility of being caught under the mistletoe alone, my dateless New Year’s, and find the positive in all of it.
I will not let it be a blue, blue Christmas this year.
Last year, I spent the holidays with a man I didn’t love and had an uncomfortable gift exchange where he thought the generosity of my gifts signaled a desire for commitment. Unfortunately, as much as I did care for him as a person, something psychological happens in the winter, and all I wanted was a warm body – not the love of my life.
This year, there will be no confusion regarding gifting (or the stress of trying to determine the perfect gift).
This year, I will be able to tuck that cash that would have been spent back into my pocketbook and save it for a rainy day.
This year, I might just stand underneath the mistletoe all night.
This year, I will be able to flirt with all of the men at the New Year’s Eve party.
This year, my New Christmas Resolution is to flourish – not flounder – in my singledom. I sometimes make a half-commitment to my singledom as in only-until-the-next-Mr.-Right-comes-along. But not this year.
In order to prepare for this Resolution, I vow not to be a wallflower waiting for a man to notice me. I vow not to scout the room at the New Year’s party. I vow to be content with all I have: a loving family, a circle of spectacular friends, a job, my health and a Christmas tree with presents tucked under it for all those I love.
It might still be a cold winter; I might pine for the warmth of a companion to sit around the fire and sip hot cocoa with; and I might be exhausted by New Year’s Day, but then I might make a New Year’s Resolution different from my New Christmas Resolution. Until then, though, I have my long underwear to get me through the cold winter holidays.
So let Santa come to town – and let him ask me, “So…how’s your love life?”
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