His first month in the Windy City resulted in his enrollment in an improv training class, meetings with a vocal coach and interviews with photographers to take his all-important head shot. His mother first goaded him to audition for the local production of "The Wizard of Oz" when he was 10 and here's where he ended up - in a new city, unemployed, pursuing a new career.

As Walsh will soon learn, being a performer – especially a comedian – isn't a job for the weak-stomached or the faint at heart. It's a grueling, thankless gig marked by low pay, late hours in dimly lit bars, bad food, booze and unruly hecklers. In the cutthroat world of comedy, wannabes either sink or swim – and most sink like a stone.

Nevertheless, if a performance career bewitches and beguiles you as it has captivated the affable and ambitious Walsh, let Lumino's panel of experts enlighten and entertain you. They've been around the block a few times and have lived to tell the tale. A few are high-profile, fulltime funnymen (and women) and several are fighting their way to the top of the humor heap—but all are talented, witty, wise and willing to share their experiences.

Judy Gold hosts her own show on HBO and is a regular fixture on "Hollywood Squares" as well as Comedy Central's (now-cancelled) "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn." She's the originator of a one-person show about Jewish mothers, "G-d Doesn't Pay Rent Here," and she co-starred in the off-Broadway production of "The Vagina Monologues." The Newark, NJ native has a degree in music from Rutgers College but hasn't needed it since she made her name as one of America's top female comics.

Doug Stanhope is co-host of "The Man Show" on Comedy Central, his stand up has been featured on several television shows including "Comedy Central Presents," "Premium Blend," NBC's "Late Friday" and "The Howard Stern Show." He was born in Worcester, Massachusetts. He has a ninth grade education and believes that no training exists for a comedy career - you're either funny or you're not.

Marc Ryan has been a stand-up comic for 12 years and has appeared on CBS' "Star Search," Comedy Central's "Best of the Improv" and Cox Cable's "Half Hour Comedy Hour."

Doug Hecox is a writer, a teacher and a public relations manager in Washington, D.C. He moonlights as a comedian and does a darned good job of it. The North Carolina native's preparation for a comedy career was informal—he listened to comedy albums religiously growing up.

Yannis Pappas is a New Yorker whose comedic training includes the Humber Comedy Institute in Toronto.

Favorite Schtick

Gold: My Anne Frank joke
Ryan: Misdirection
Hecox: My favorite of all time is probably Steve Martin's attempt to sing native American chants as a Vegas lounge singer. It's on his album "Let's Get Small" and makes me laugh every time I hear it.

Least Favorite Schtick

Gold: Anything blatantly homophobic, racist, anti-semitic, or misogynistic.
Hecox: Sen. John Kerry telling America he'll be a good President.

Comedian you most admire

Gold: Phyllis Diller
Stanhope: George Carlin
Ryan: Richard Pryor
Hecox: Emo Philips
Pappas: Chris Rock, David Cross, Chris Guest, Woody Allen

How does one know if he/she is funny—funny enough to be a comedian?

Stanhope: If you think you're funny enough, you are. If the audience disagrees however, it'll make it harder.
Hecox: If you can make your friends laugh, you might be able to be a comedian. If you can make your friends laugh at a funeral, you definitely can be a comedian and, if you can make your friends laugh at their own funerals, you should run for office. As the old comedy saying goes, "if you can make just one person laugh, you're in the wrong business."
Pappas: You are in touch with the tragedy of life and it haunts you, comedy is your way of freeing yourself from that hurt...more practically speaking; you are good at imitation, insightful, and have a need for people to like you and you want them to get along with each other better.

How does one know if he/she should definitely not pursue a comedy career?

Stanhope: I suppose if you were terrible to the eye, then you shouldn't do stand-up. Not merely ugly, mind you, but sickening to look at. Say you lost of lower jaw to mouth cancer or are ravaged by AIDS and methamphetamine, then please stay out of public view. It depresses people and makes them want to recoil and vomit.
Ryan: If you hate the sound of laughter, pretty good sign to stay away. Seriously if you ever seriously give it a try and you hate the vulnerability of being on stage, you are not going to do very well most likely.
Hecox: If you can't tell jokes, if you have no timing and you can't get audiences to laugh, get yourself a game show -- like Tom Bergeron did.

When did the idea of being a comedian first occur to you? Were you sober?

Gold: Yes, I was sober. Someone dared me to do it.
Stanhope: This is like trying to pin down your first thought of winning the lottery or getting a hand job.
Ryan: I came from a broken home where attention was a hot commodity. One day I stumbled upon a laugh through a silly face or just generally acting like an idiot and I noticed everyone looked my way…That was when I realized the power that laughter had.
Hecox: A friend in first grade told me I would one day be a professional comedian. He's in third grade now, and he hasn't steered me wrong yet!
Pappas: Ever since I was young, everyone always considered me the funniest guy around. And I was drunk and had just had a threesome with a girl and a friend of mine. I was walking home drunk when I decided that I was coming to try comedy on stage.

What are the five essential items in a comedian's 'survival kit?'

Gold: Notebook, pen, toothbrush, license and thick skin.
Stanhope: AAA Plus, credit card, notebook, road atlas and Haribo Gummy Fruit Salad
Ryan: A bar of soap in your bag for the shitty condos that a lot of clubs put you up in; Ramen Noodles; a Honda; a note pad in your pocket at all times and a favorite writing pen too; the ability to shift gears at any given moment. A true comic can take it all on.
Hecox: Material, timing, patience, persistence, and a whoopee cushion. I would add fake plastic vomit to that but my girlfriend kept stealing mine. As it turns out, she had a fake eating disorder.

Thoughts on doing impressions

Gold: Not that big into impressions - unless they're my friends.
Ryan: They are fun only when done dead on... My grandma can do a half-assed Elvis.
Hecox: I love making impressions, especially in wet cement. I do good impersonation of Mary Cheney, but I need a volunteer from the audience. Preferably a blonde cheerleader.

Thoughts on using props

Gold: NO PROPS!
Ryan: If you have an original angle, nothing is off limits. If you are going to be a watered down version of Carrot Top you are wasting everyone's time, but mostly yours.
Hecox: I was never good at that either, so I prefer to stick with conventional stand-up.

If you like props, what are your favorites? What do they add to the show?

Hecox: I always wanted to glue a steering wheel to a walking stick for blind people who wanted to drive, but I haven't done it yet.

How do you decide what is off limits in your performance?

Gold: Nothing is off limits if it's truly funny.
Stanhope: I shy away from material that has better-than-even odds of inciting physical violence against my person. Otherwise, fuck 'em.
Hecox: I won't make fun of people I know personally, but everything else is fair game. It has to be. Audiences want a daredevil, not a minister. So long as it's funny, audiences won't be offended.

What are the most clichéd topics utilized by comedians

Gold: Difference between men and women, dating, cock size/name.
Stanhope: The difference between men and women…and angry child rape.
Ryan: Drinking material, plane material, jokes about sending your kid to "timeout."
Hecox: Dating, Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions, George W. Bush, cheap cars, being broke, and Special Olympics.
Pappas: Their own ethnic background and/or appearance.

What is your most unique comedic attribute?

Gold: My brain
Stanhope: The ability to perform while wildly intoxicated.
Ryan: I have a third testicle, so if I really get in a jam I could probably show that and it would be pretty funny.

How important are self-deprecation and negativity in your act?

Stanhope: Most comedy comes from a negative place. "Don't you hate it when…" or "You know what really pisses me off about…" Self-deprecation will work to your advantage if it's honest but if you are, say, a moderately decent-looking woman complaining about not being able to get laid it will come off as insincere.
Hecox: I wish I was a good enough person to be worthy of self-deprecation. There are far too many people in the world more deserving of deprecation than me.
Pappas: Not very important. Don't do too much of it. I am not fat, dumb, or ugly so I am at a disadvantage. I am neurotic and fearful and manic, not enough to feel sorry for and not enough to be arrogant about.

How do you find new material?

Gold: Live life, read.
Stanhope: I get it from a vending machine at the bus station. It's 75 cents but it takes dollar bills.
Ryan: New material is all around you everyday. But you have to pay attention. My advice for a new comic would be to shut up and listen. You have to take it in to be able to put it out.
Hecox: Reading a lot helps, but watching the news helps me too. Whatever they say that isn't funny, I say the opposite of that.

What are the best resources for a wannabe comedian?

Stanhope: Go out and do something. Funny stuff doesn't happen on the couch. Fuck somebody weird. Kill a guy. Do something. That's where the material is.
Pappas: Your personal life, listen and observe, your fears and your pains. Pretentious people, phony people, hypocritical people, including yourself.

What's the best advice you can give to a wannabe comedian?

Gold: Get as much stage time as you can, don't steal material, tell the truth.
Stanhope: Write. Perform. Fail. Rewrite. Repeat.
Ryan: Get on every stage you can. Tape your sets every time you go up. Review the tapes and understand what you are doing while you are onstage. Figure out your personal strengths and what sets you apart.
Hecox: Give up. That's some of the best advice because, if you really want to be a comedian, you won't listen to it. If you shouldn't be a comedian, you'll give it up and make room for someone who is more committed to it than you are.
Pappas: Never get too high and never get too low. Keep going if you love it and need it.

How do you try out material before you're comfortable using it in a show?

Hecox: I try it on all my friends, most of whom can probably do my act better than me now. I love making people laugh, and if I have to constantly focus group new jokes, I will.
Stanhope: You don't try out material off-stage unless it's some kind of faggotty writers group. Nobody wants to hear your dumb fucking jokes during Monday Night Football. Just shut the fuck up and save it for the stage. I have money on this game.

Have you ever bombed on stage? If no, why not? If so, please explain when, where and what the circumstances were.

Gold: Do I really have to re-live that?
Stanhope: I have bombed everywhere for every possible reason. I will probably bomb tonight. It keeps the sport in it.
Hecox: Every comic bombs – the trick is to learn from it, and also to not take it personally. The trick is to perform a lot and if you bomb more than you don't, stop. You're not a comedian. You're a bomber.

As a comedian, have you found it easy or difficult to find a mate/spouse/date?

Stanhope: If you get laid now, you'll get laid more doing comedy. Long-term relationships can work as well but she will probably get drunk while you're on the road and fuck your brother Scott.
Ryan: Having a spouse or a regular love life is a sacrifice you make if you love comedy. Because when your career is going well you spend 90 percent of your time on the road doing what you love. Comedy is your wife! In my experience it has been hard and lonely at times but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Hecox: I've never had a problem. Comedians are, by nature, outgoing and charismatic, which tends to attract people. Interestingly, I am not attracted to people who don't find me funny. There are a LOT of people I'm not attracted to.
Pappas: Hard...if you are serious about comedy, you are never happy, never want to be happy or content because it hurts your comedy, comedians are always seeking out pain and suffering for the enjoyment of others, we are sort of like martyrs.

What's the worst job you've ever maintained so that you could pursue comedy?

Gold: Typesetter
Stanhope: Leeching off tittie-dancers.
Hecox: Helping to develop the National Sex Offender Registry.
Pappas: Working in night clubs as a cashier.

What is your greatest aspiration as a comedian?

Stanhope: Quitting. I've done everything I can do in this business. Now I just want to deliver bottled water in a gated community.
Ryan: To make a mark on the comedy world that stands the test of time, instead of being the flavor of the month.
Hecox: To be regarded as a genius centuries ahead of his time, and to have my jokes written in quatrains that will be said by people in the future to have foretold current events.

How do you know if you've sold out—comically speaking?

Hecox: I'll let you know when I do. It should be any day now.
Stanhope: Oh, you mean The Man Show? Ya, that's when.
Pappas: Going for cheap laughs is cheating. And not challenging the audience or yourself to be better people is a sign of selling out.

Has anyone ever stolen your material? Have you ever stolen someone's material?

Hecox: I've heard a couple of my jokes used by others, but Emo said it best. You have to write faster than they can steal. If your whole career is based on having only one good joke, you deserve to have it stolen.
Pappas: Yes. If you are going to steal, steal from the best (I stole this from Woody Allen)

AN EPILOGUE OF SORTS

A few short months have passed since our initial meeting and Walsh reports some successes. He completed first level courses at Improv Olympic and is halfway through the second tier. The go-getter was also chosen for a musical improv class at Second City and he dropped $600 on headshots.

Walsh has stopped taking voice lessons too. "We put on a showcase of four 'advanced students' at a local bar/lounge. It was a cabaret setting. It was harmless, but I never thought I would be paying $275 to be singing on a bill with a 6-year-old girl and a teacher who forgot the lyrics to 'Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend.'"

Recently, he auditioned for three shows and sent out his headshot and resume to 30-some perspectives as well as to dozens of agents and talent scouts in the city. He hasn't heard anything from any of the scouts but decided to take matters into his own hands.

He began to look for auditions on his own and landed a role in the ensemble and the understudy of The Who's "Tommy." While thumbing through auditions online, he also came across a casting call for the Vegas version of the Broadway hit "Avenue Q." He booked a flight, flew to the audition and hasn't heard back. Fingers crossed.

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